*~Feelin' low~*

I've been feeling quite out of place lately. I'm not sure whether it's just the cold weather or a little thing called mid life crisis. The empty, unfulfilled sense of belonging swarmed its way into my heart slowly over the past weeks. The thing is, I let the feelings taken over me. I let it eat away my happiness- the only thing that keeps me sane in this not-so-friendly city. Recently I have also discovered something about myself that truly disturbed me. Ready? I'm a pessimist, resentful, jealous, not pleasant, selfish, and, to top it all off, I also tend to build this thick wall around myself. I call it "self-preservation".

Why can't I be a good person?
Sometimes I wonder if I was born with the incapability to connect with other human being. My list of people that I dislike is growing larger everyday. I loathe this feeling of hatred in my black piece of meat called heart. Soemtimes, though, the saddest thing about me that not many people realized is that I hate myself the most of all.