*~Life sucks~*

Someone once told me that life has its ups and downs, but I never fully understand the meaning. For a while, my life has been on its highest and lowest points within the span of two years. I have found, fought, and lost something I dearly loved. I was frantically looking, given the greatest opportunity, only to now come to a standstill, not knowing what to do. Something so great can be so illusional. I thought my life has finally come to a point where I can relax and enjoy the beauty of my existance. However, it had recently came to my attention that my life would NEVER be relax,nor it would ever come to a point where I am happy with myself. .. it will sadly always be on the run for something.

Once a fortune teller told me, " you will have to fight for everything in your life. Not just fight, but fight to the death." It is true to some sense, I had to fight for everything in my life. and by fight, I mean, really really pulling myself apart to obtain certain things, certain acceptance, certain moments of happiness.


I have a devil in me, I have this dark side that , so far, only two people had really seen it. Sometimes I miss that side of me, for it allows me to explode, to relieve, to let go, to cry. I do miss my brown eyes.

p.s. no one needs to understand this.